First Christmas After Losing Your Loved One

Posted by Yvette Allen on 5 December 2021
First Christmas After Losing Your Loved One

Christmas for many of us does not feel like it used to. 

Many of us have lost someone special to us, or are alone for the first time over the Christmas period.

So here are ways to make your first Christmas special for you.

  1. Make sure you have some Christmas decorations, a tree, or tinsel, whatever, a Christmas wreath on the door makes it rather nice to come back to.
  2. Buy yourself a small gift and wrap it and put under the tree
  3. Plan a special Christmas lunch, perhaps steak and roast veggies.  Buy a ready made dessert from your supermarket. 
  4. Plan to phone a friend or relative on Christmas day.  Pre arrange this.  
  5. Ask a neighbour in for a Christmas drink, or even a cup of coffee.
  6. Put out some happy photographs of Christmas past, know that your loved ones are still with you in spirit.
  7. If you don’t have many friends, then join a meeting group,   Kincare may have some or go to your local government website to see what is available.  If you cannot get there, they will even arrange transport for you.
  8. If you have a DVD make sure you have some feel good movies to watch.
  9. Be especially kind to yourself, recognize that although you don’t have the Christmas like the ones before, you owe it to yourself to make your Christmas a special one just for you.

If you are feeling depressed then you may need some help, from your GP or a local counsellor or psychotherapist. 

If you just need a 10 minute chat contact me via my website yvetteallen.com.au or phone me on 0411407149 between the hours of 11am to 1pm.

Posted in:StressAnxiety  

Covid brings with it many stresses

Posted by Yvette Allen on 23 August 2021
Covid brings with it many stresses

As we enter our third month of Covid Shutdown, I can almost hear the sighs and groans from my lounge chair. 

I can understand why so many of you are beginning to feel frustrated, trapped and are having problems with partners and family. 

It is not easy living with others 24/7 with no outside company to break the monopoly.  

Your resistance becomes low and those little things that you would normally ignore begin to grow into major issues. 

So what can we do?

It is easy to suggest many little things, but what is difficult is accepting the choices given. 

Sometimes it can make us cranky to see what limitations are put on us. 

I have had the following suggestions given to me:

  • Do a jigsaw?
  • Play a board game?  Who with???
  • Phone a friend, I wonder what the topic of conversation would be!!!
  • Read a book
  • Watch TV
  • Sit in the garden, or if you are really keen do some gardening.
  • Go for a walk.
  • Tidy out your cupboards – I am bored enough without adding to it!!!!!
  • Do some painting
  • Do some drawing – I can only draw so many stick men

So, what can we all do that will make us feel better and more able to cope? 

Talk to your therapist via zoom, perhaps do a course on line that you have been meaning to do, but did not have the time

Of course most things cost money and that is sometime short too.

Or you could continue to read this blog and become bored with this too.

So if you are up tight then, BREATHE!  

In through the nose for the count of 5, breathing right down into your belly and watch it fill, hold for the count of 6, then out slowly through your mouth for the count of 8. 

Repeat this at least 10 times. 

When finished notice how much tension has gone from you. 

It is simple and easy to do and relieves some of the stress that builds up within us. 

Stress can lead to ill health, so whatever you choose not to do, make this a must do, if you have a heart attack through stress no one will be able to visit you in hospital and that will be even worse!!

Keep an eye on my website for more blogs and suggestions.  www.yvetteallen.com.au
Posted in:StressAnxiety  

Self Help for Anxiety or Worry

Posted by Yvette Allen on 4 July 2021

What can you do for yourself?

Manage your attitude, your thinking manifestation is thinking to yourself, we are complex beings.

Get to know who you are in business, in life and have introspection on attitude your judgement within.

I can't let anybody know 

I am not ashamed

Panic is bad, the enemy 

What can I learn as a student of panic

I must avoid symptoms 

I want to feel the symptoms to gain status

I must relax right now 

Its ok to be anxious here

I must stay on guard  

I won't guard myself against anxiety

This is a test   

This is a practice - so do so; see how much you have learnt. Stop beating yourself up

I must be certain that... 

I can tolerate uncertainty - you can't control so accept it

This had better work  

Its OK if it does not work


Many people have said to me that they worry 24 hours per day, non-stop.   Now this takes an enormous amount of energy and creates thousands of negative vibes. 

I ask them to postpone their worries and to set aside just 2 blocks of 10 minutes each day, which will be uninterrupted and this will be their worry time.

During this time, they are not allowed to have any happy thoughts, only their worries. 

It is amazing how hard it is to fill just ten minutes with worries. 

So, the worry thoughts that keep ruminating all day have to be put in these slots and if any pop into their heads, they are to say "no not now, I will put you into my worry time.

This method has proved to be very powerful.

Now some people would prefer to write down their worries, but each worry has to be written 400 times. 

This is powerful and a great psychological sucker to shift emotions to give control to active engagement.

Calming Breaths

Our breath is what keeps us alive and regulates so much of our body and mind, so it makes sense to use it for positive purposes. 

The exercises give us control as they make us actively engage.

I would like you now to stand up, and place one hand over your belly button area.

Now, take a deep breath in counting to ten, your hand should be pushed outwards and take another in breath on again ,count three more while you fill the top of your lungs. 

Now HOLD that breath for the count of ten and as you slowly release it notice that your hand goes inwards. 

As you take your breath in, you can silently say the word relax. 

These actions release the worries from your mind as you focus on your breath. 

You can close your eyes if you prefer, but it is not essential.

Many people use these breathing exercises at night to relax before drifting off to sleep.

Guided Imagery

There are many apps and downloads that you can find on Guided Imagery, find one you like and listen to it every day.

Someone asked why would we do this, and the answer was "You can't learn to fight in the middle of a battle". 

Hence do these exercises on a regular basis and "when the lion is released" you will be more prepared to cope.

During these exercises your mind will feel in charge. 

Now remember, who the Boss of your anxiety is. 

YOU are!

Now sometimes you succeed and sometime you may fail and it is OK.

Guided Apps:  Calm, Headspace

Your Job is To Take Care of YOU.

Let us clean our filters a little here. 

I want you to find a space and time when you will not be interrupted in order to Dumb Down your Thoughts.

Now we will count backwards from 5 and with each number we have to follow instructions:

You can close your eyes once you have read the instructions!

5 See, your favourite place, person, painting, tree etc. and really focus on it in your mind and experience that special moment in your mind's eye.

4 Hear, a sound that brings you joy, early morning bird calls, the sound of the ocean as the wave come in, the sound of laughter hear it and enjoy.

3- Touch something that you love to touch, stroke or hold.  It may be stroking your pet, or a piece of cloth that feels so good against your skin, whatever really feel it and enjoy that feeling.

2 Smell Remember the smell of your favourite dinner cooking, or the smell of a BBQ, or a special perfume or aftershave, perhaps the smell of the ocean and enjoy and relive that smell.

1 Taste Imagine putting something wonderful in your mouth, for many this may be chocolate and hold it there and feel how creamy it is as it rolls around your tongue, feel it going to the back of your mouth and the wonderful sensations that taste brings to you.

Well done.  Practice makes perfect.

Develop a Healthy Lifestyle

  • Be Active
  • Eat well
  • Get out into Nature
  • Spend time with friends or relatives
  • Count backwards from 100 sub-tracking 7 each time, 100, 93
  • Breathe
  • Spend time doing something you enjoy, maybe painting by numbers, knitting, something with your hands that you will find calming.
  • Listen to Podcasts, Ted-Talk on anxiety or just listen to Happy Music.

Challenge your Self Talk

When a negative thought comes into your mind, stop right there, and ask yourself if there is any evidence that this thought is true, could there be an alternative reason for an action, or phrase and then think of the best way to handle it without creating WW2.

So thinking differently question yourself:

  • Is it really true?
  • Show me the evidence
  • Be glad about something (Pollyanna Glad Day)

If you have a full on Panic Attack, know that this will pass, the longest it will last for is 30 minutes.

Be Your Best Cheer Leader!



Posted in:Anxiety  

2021 the year for .....

Posted by Yvette Allen on 29 December 2020

Christmas is over and we are praying that 2021 is a great New Year.
So what can we do to ensure that 2021 is a good year for us:
Perhaps we could.....

Get rid of the feeling of "not good enough"
Deal with our phobias
Help ourselves grieve and let go of the "I should have"
Set some positive goals
Learn to love yourself and be the best you can be!

Well if you relate to any of the above, Yvette Allen can help.  Go to my website www.yvetteallen.com.au click the talk to me button, or simply phone me to find out more.
2021 can be the year that you let go of all the negative feelings and emotions that have been holding you back.  Let us welcome 2021 in as the year you became the best you could be.


Afraid of Flying?

Posted by Yvette Allen on 19 November 2020

Afraid of Flying?

We have all been told it is the safest form of travel, however, there are many of us who do not believe that.  The thought of flying way up high in the sky with nothing connecting you to the earth is a scary thought. 
Feeling out of control is a frightening experience.

So when you decide that being afraid to fly is stopping you doing what you would really like to do, then it is time to get help
Contact Yvette and see how she can help phone 0411 407 149
Or visit her website www.yvetteallen.com.au

Posted in:StressAnxiety  
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First Christmas After Losing Your Loved One

Posted by Yvette Allen on 5 December 2021
First Christmas After Losing Your Loved One
Christmas for many of us does not feel like it used to.  Many of us have lost someone special to us, or are alone for the first time over the...
Posted in:StressAnxiety  
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