What is showing love about?

Do your children know that they are loved unconditionally?

So many clients come to me with childhood events that have traumatised them, and they are not even aware of how this happened.  This is not unusual, for example some people may have an unexplained irratitional fear of something that they do not have any knowledge as to how that fear either started or began.  However, quite often it is something that has been said to them during childhood and up to the age or around 8 or 9 whatever an adult or person in authority tells us we swallow whole as being the absolute truth.  It may be something our parent has said as a joke, and I will share with you something my Mother said as a joke when I was a child, that I had a small lump on one of my ears, and she said that  meant I was born to be hung.  You have no idea how many nights I lay awake terrified of being hung and trying to think of how it would feel and what could I do to stop it.  

How often do you see a child crying in a group and the mother or father say "What is wrong with you, all the other children are having a good time, What is wrong with you.  BEWARE they believe this wholly and grow up thinking that they are different and that there is something wrong or different about them..

Some children are never actually told they are loved by their parents, and som!e parents just don't know how to show love.  Perhaps as children themselves they were not shown love, or had abusive parents, or had parents with a big family and no time.  It does not mean they did not love their children, they just did not know how to show love.  

I can hear you say, of course they know we love them, but do they?  When our children do something that makes us really angry with them, we don't stop to say I love you but am angry with you.  No of course not, that would be far too hard, however I do ask that you at some time sit down with your children and tell them that although we sometimes do not like their behaviour, or we are angry with them, that no matter what we do love them unconditionally.  We might not like them, but we do not stop loving them.

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It is not the presents you buy your children, or the parties you give them, or the opportunities that we give them, that shows our love.  It may make them happy and feel loved then, but it is being told that we are deserving of love, and even that sometimes as parents we may not feel able to show it, but no matter what, we love them unconditionally.

If a child has unconditional love, they have self love, and this helps form a well balanced adult

So I am asking you when you give them something, give it with love and not with strings attached.  We all have expectations of what we would like our children to grow up to be, but quite often this is not what they choose for themselves, and we have to be prepared to be open to their ideas and to discuss things openly with them without guilt, or our own disappointment in their choices coming into play.  

If you can learn to listen to your children and talk to them and not at them, then they will come to you for advice, and if you don't know the answer then tell them you don't and help them to find someone who may be able to help.

It is never too late to start showing love.

and before I finish please spend a little time loving yourself - you are so worth it.

Is your relationship all that you want it to be?

How often do you find yourself saying or thinking:

• Why won't he/she listen to me?

• Why can't they understand me?

• Are they having an affair?

• We used to get on so well; what went wrong?

• We don't have any quality time together now!

• What happened to the cuddles and kisses

• We don't discuss anything, we just row

• I just want to be listened to!

• I feel like I am just an asset, not a person

• I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him/her!

Well you may be surprised to know that I have heard these comments over and over again. 
Sometimes we go through life accepting and quite often resenting our partners, but we stay together because it is too hard not to.
When you feel at your wits end, and/or keep ruminating on these comments, then it is time to get some help.
Relationships often end because we don't put the time and effort into understanding what it is that our relationship needs.  Quite often what we say is not actually what is heard.  Many problems are due to lack of communication, not being able to talk about what has happened, or being able to voice what is wrong. 
Yvette Allen helps couples to resolve their problems and go on to repair their relationships.  
Your relationship deserves a chance and that is what I help couples to do.  Even if it does not end in a happy ever after result, it at least can end with understanding and some form of respect.
Phone Yvette today to book a free 15 minute session to find out how she is able to help you.  Phone 0411 407 149

Are the corona virus restrictions causing you extra stress and is it that which makes you find yourself thinking:

Well you may be surprised to know that I have heard these comments over and over again. and with the added stress of having to spend 24/7 together with partner and children it can create more stress and you may start to feel some of the following emotions:

• We argue over petty things

• He/She is so snappy all the time

• The kids fight all the time

•  I know what people mean when they say I could cheerfully murder him/her!

• We cant agree on even the minor things

• I often go to bed at 8.30pm just to have some freedom from him/her!

Sometimes we go through life accepting and quite often resenting our partners, but we stay together because it is too hard .to change, but when life throws us together by circumstances then the situation can seem intolerable.and perhaps it is just that we have lost how to communicate with our partners.. This is not unusual, but if you are having problems then perhaps it is time to seek help.  
 

Yvette is offering free 15 minute consults at this time so please feel free to contact me.

Your relationship is worth minutes of your time.

Lean how to chill and keep calm!

Covid 19 has taken its toll and many of us.

As a psychotherapist I have seen many of the ways the Government restrictions that have been placed on us to keep us safe from the virus has affected us.

Some people are feeling lonely and isolated, others are worried how they are going to cope, many fear the post viral effect this may have on our economy. Or it may be that you have lost your job and that has had a devastating effect too.  No matter what the effect it has on you, if you feel you need to talk, then I am offering a FREE 15 minute consultation.

If you would like to contact me.  Simply leave me your details and I will get back to you to arrange an appointment time.

Coronavirus Effects

The Coronavirus restrictions are necessary, however for some it is quite devastating.

If you are feeling alone, with no one to talk to, and you have access to Skype, then take up my offer of a free 15 minute consultation.  Even if you just want someone to talk to, or share your fears with then please contact me.  It is a scary time for us all, businesses are suffering too.  The quicker we can get this virus under control, the quicker we can get back to normal.  I  am here to listen to you, your fears, or for just a chat.