0411407149

Social Anxiety

Posted by Yvette Allen on 6 February 2023
Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is one of the most common and it is that feeling of “not being good enough”

Many people feel this, not only in everyday life, but therapists often feel that they are on a pedestal and afraid that might fall, and this has even been given a name of pedestal syndrome. 

Those feelings of not being good enough come to all types of people, even those people who are so intelligent and have two or three degrees can feel this. 

I found this very surprising when I met a gentleman in a group who had four degrees and a PhD and still was studying as he felt not good enough. 

So, what makes us feel this way.  Often it is the fear that there will be just one question that we don’t know the answer to, and if this question is asked all that we do know will be brushed to one side and only the one that we did not know will be remembered. 

Nobody, absolutely nobody has all the answers, even the best experts and specialists in their fields are still doing research to find out more.  It is a never ending research,  as when we find the answer to one then there are many others that come into play. 

So why do we expect ourselves to know all there is to know.  I believe that when we learn something new, we should all be taught to say “I am afraid I am not sure about that, or I don’t know the answer to this, but I am happy to do some research to try and find the answer. 

This does not make you look silly, but on the contrary, it shows that you are human, and there is always more and more to find out.  Indeed as I write this blog I am asking myself if there is more that I should know, and also what I may have missed. 

It is also quite common to have social anxiety. 

Many people that are in the face of the cameras on a personal level suffer from social anxiety. 

Being a therapist, one would think that this would not apply to me, but indeed it does.  I can stand up in front of a large audience and teach, but take me to a function where I don’t know people and you would find me sat hidden away in a corner and hoping no one would approach me.

So, what is the reason we feel this way.  It can arise from many different sources, and this is where talking with your therapist can help, as they help you to understand yourself and the reasons why this may have occurred. 

Therapists are there to help you.  When you visit a therapist you can be assured that your visit will be totally  private and you can tell them anything that you need to.  It helps to get it off your chest!!

As a therapist myself I have heard all sorts of things and have never shown shock or anxiety or disgust at what I am hearing.  I look to ways of helping people, not to judge, or condemn. 

It does not make my clients a lesser person when they discuss their problems with me, it does not make me feel less of them or more. 

My clients are people who are seeking help and my purpose as a therapist is to try and help them to the best of my ability or to refer them on, if their problem is out of my scope of practice.

If this sounds like you, contact me and let’s have a chat.

Posted in:Anxiety  

Relationships with Therapists

Posted by Yvette Allen on 6 February 2023
Relationships with Therapists

Sometimes life seems to be a constant struggle, and at these times we need a little help. 

This can be a good friend to talk to, an understanding spouse, or your therapist.  It can present in many different forms too. 

Fear of presenting on stage or to a group of people is one of the most common, and social fear is another common struggle. 

Being able to admit to this is hard, and that is where a therapist is a great help. 

Of course, when you talk with a therapist you can be assured that whatever is discussed it will stay between you and your therapist.  Obviously when you first visit a therapist it can take a little while to entirely trust that therapist. 

Remember that part of that therapist’s training is focused on the privacy act, and what the exceptions are to break that trust, one is if your therapist feels that you are at risk of committing suicide or harming yourself or others. 

Your therapist will usually tell you if they feel they need to bring in support to stop you harming yourself or others.  The therapist will usually inform you if this action needs to be taken and explain why.  Having said that anything that is not threatening will stay between you and your therapist.  Knowing this can help you reach out to a therapist. 

The other reason for not seeing a therapist is that you may feel you do not want to share, as it is shameful, or disgusting.  Having been a therapist for nearly 50 years I can tell you that there is nothing you can tell your therapist that will shock them.  The therapist job is not to judge, it is to help you to find new ways to live your life with better options and find help where needed. 

Many ladies who are being abused carry with them this shame and feel that they cannot talk about it for fear of it getting out. 

This is not a realistic fear of your privacy being broken.  Your therapist may suggest ways to help your situation, but they do not insist that you do this.  It is your life and your options. 

There are many different forms of anxiety, shame and that feeling of not being good enough.

So let us look at just one today and the rest in my next blog.

This anxiety is one of the most common and it is that feeling of “not being good enough”.  

Many people feel this, not only in everyday life, but therapists often feel that they are on a pedestal and afraid that might fall, and this has even been given a name of pedestal syndrome.  Those feelings of not being good enough come to all types of people, even those people who are so intelligent and have two or three degrees can feel this. 

I found this very surprising when I met a gentleman in a group who had four degrees and a PhD and still was studying as he felt not good enough. 

So, what makes us feel this way. 

Often it is the fear that there will be just one question that we don’t know the answer to, and if this question is asked all that we do know will be brushed to one side and only the one that we did not know will be remembered.  Nobody, absolutely nobody has all the answers, even the best experts and specialists in their fields are still doing research to find out more. 

It is a never ending research,  as when we find the answer to one then there are many others that come into play.  So why do we expect ourselves to know all there is to know.  I believe that when we learn something new, we should all be taught to say “I am afraid I am not sure about that, or I don’t know the answer to this, but I am happy to do some research to try and find the answer. 

This does not make you look silly, but on the contrary, it shows that you are human, and there is always more and more to find out.  Indeed as I write this blog I am asking myself if there is more that I should know, and also what I may have missed.  It is also quite common to have social anxiety. 

Many people that are in the face of the camera’s on a personal level suffer from social anxiety.  Being a therapist one would think that this would not apply to me, but indeed it does.  I can stand up in front of a large audience and teach, but take me to a function where I don’t know people and you would find me sat hidden away in a corner and hoping no one would approach me.

So, what is the reason we feel this way. 

It can arise from many different sources, and this is where talking with your therapist can help, as they help you to understand yourself and the reasons why this may have occurred. 

Therapists are there to help you.  When you visit a therapist you can be assured that your visit will be totally  private and you can tell them anything that you need to.  It helps to get it off your chest!!

As a therapist myself I have heard all sorts of things and have never shown shock or anxiety or disgust at what I am hearing.  I look to ways of helping people, not to judge, or condemn.  It does not make my clients a lesser person when they discuss their problems with me, it does not make me feel less of them or more. 

My clients are people who are seeking help and my purpose as a therapist is to try and help them to the best of my ability or to refer them on, if their problem is out of my scope of practice.

Therapists are there to help.  Just remember that.

If you'd like to have a chat, contact me on 0411 407149 or email me.

Posted in:RelationshipsTherapists  

Teenage Suicide

Posted by Yvette Allen on 24 November 2022
Teenage Suicide

Teenage Suicide rates are on the increase. 

There are more suicides than road deaths, and for every suicide reported there are 100 to 200 more attempted suicides. 

These deaths are not only traumatic for the individual but also all their friends and the whole school where they attend. 

It seems to be that it is the easy way out for many, who have tried other methods, perhaps alcohol, or drugs. 

These teenagers don’t want to feel desperate, and it is not an easy way out and a selfish act, nor is it an attempt to get attention. 

It is a deep-seated depression that drives them, they cannot see any way out, they are desperate and it is no use telling them to pull their socks up, or to cheer up.

The danger is that when they find an out in the form of suicide it is like all their worries and concerns are lifted and that they finally have an answer, so they may even appear to have cheered up, and this is a sign that should be looked for. 

We can ask ourselves what is causing all these suicides, it may be pressure to achieve, it may be that they feel that they are letting people down, or it could be peer pressure. 

There are a lot of teens that are cyber bullied too, which can be another source. 

Whatever the reason if you feel your child is at risk seek help. 

Your GP can be the first step, but antidepressants are not always the answer. 

A mental health assessment is more useful, and then get help from a psychologist, counsellor or psychiatrist. 

They need to be able to talk in a safe environment, they need to feel safe that what they say is held in strictest confidence, unless they appear to be in imamate danger of committing suicide then action will be taken.

Teens find it very hard to talk to those close to them, sometimes they may have one friend who they confide in, but this is not usual.

There were 927 reported deaths in 2020.

If you or you know someone who is suffering, please contact me on 0411 407149.

Posted in:StressAnxietySuffering  

Your choice - $$$ or Your Peace of Life

Posted by Yvette Allen on 26 October 2022
Your choice - $$$ or Your Peace of Life

Approximately 30 years ago it seemed that nobody left a job with a high salary to work for $40K less. 

This translates to the fact that people did not work from home, they may well have worked a 10 hour day, but after that their time was their own. 

No mobile phones ringing, no expectation of being available outside working hours, it may have been a busy day, but there was a beginning and an end to that day. 

Now, and since Covid, people have become used to working from home, hosting meetings after hours on Zoom and being available 24/7 as part of the terms of employment of highly paid jobs. 

Their jobs have no start time, and no finish time. 

No plans can be made ahead of time for a family night out, or a weekend away, it is all work and no regard to family time. 

It could, and often is thought that high pay means you are owned by the company and the family comes second, although I don’t believe that many companies would own up to this. 

When applying for a position perhaps one of the most important questions to ask is what your policy on hours is worked, and working from home. 

What is the family value? 

Being a counsellor, I see many people who suffer from work burn out, and also people that are so stressed but the dollar keeps them in the job. 

However, this is changing. 

People are happier to earn less and have a work/life balance. 

Perhaps we are beginning to value a walk along a beach, or playing with kids in the garden, even going for a family day at the park, where we can be happy with a picnic, homemade. 

Children can play footy with all the family, or play hide and seek, or skipping, the options are endless. 

Safety must always come first naturally.  When children don’t have family values and are exposed to constantly not seeing Dad or Mum every night, or don’t know the value of a bedtime story, then this leads, in my opinion, to unhappy, unbalanced children, whose value is connected to a mobile phone, and heaven only knows what they are being exposed to. 

Wake up people and well done to those people who have opted for less money and a family life, children will survive without a up to the minute mobile phone and/or laptop, but the loss of a balanced family far outweighs the quickly passing joy of a modern phone. 

Think ahead, if we set the balance in favour of monetary rewards instead of family life, then our children will be exposed to high stress levels, higher levels of suicide, and children that grow into unbalanced adults.

Do you believe that the mighty dollar is more important than family life? 

Think about it and the future before answering this question. 

Many of my clients have trouble trying to find an answer on their own and I help them to evaluate and look forward in their lives. 

Does the $ outweigh everything, or should it be we earn enough to live comfortably and have a healthy work life balance.

If you see yourself in this situation, then please contact me.
Posted in:StressAnxiety  

The Lonely Landscape of Life

Posted by Yvette Allen on 5 October 2022
The Lonely Landscape of Life

Is this how your life seems: Beautiful yet empty.  Miles and miles of nothing new, even the weather seems the same.

Every morning you wake and really struggle to find something to feel enthusiastic about. 

Just the thought of getting up, showered and dressed seems pointless. 

Some days we just don’t need to get out of bed, except for food and drinks. 

Nothing that needs cooking mind. 

If you have feelings like this the chances are that you are suffering from depression. 

Depression is one of those things that does not seem to have any warning, it is just suddenly upon us, not knowing where it comes from or where it is leading, it is just there. 

Every day seems a struggle. 

The thought of going out to meet people, or go to the movies is just too much of an effort, plus nothing seems worth the effort of actually getting ready to go out.  What makes it worthwhile you ask yourself and the answer is “it is just not worth the effort”. 

So how did we get here? 

Not many of us know why, or if we are depressed, it is just a feeling of lost hope, a feeling that does not create any positive vibes, just a feeling, if you can call it that, of struggle, too much effort, no willpower and no light showing at the end of the tunnel.

How does it happen, who knows? 

We don’t always have the answer, or when did it start, who knows it is just here, right here NOW. 

If we allow it to go on un-helped it can lead to serious problems and consequences. 

So what do we have to do to light that spark in us again.

How do we get out of bed and join the rat race called life? 

Perhaps getting up is the first step, getting showered and whilst the water runs over us feel how pleasant it feels on your skin.  Enjoy the feeling. 

Next ring a friend, or if no friends ring Lifeline, at least there is someone on the end of the phone who is willing to listen and be available to give you the time you need. 

It will be someone who will understand how you are feeling, really understand, and they have the training and the ability to help you.  They care about you. 

There are websites like Beyond Blue that explain a lot about what you are feeling and why. 

They also list people in your area who can help you. 

One of the worst feelings I have had in my 74 years of life, is that of severe depression, and before you allow your negative feelings to take away your hope and light, take whatever steps you need to stay alive and positive. 

Just a minute walk outside can help.  A walk along a beach is great too.  Perhaps you live in a busy town, then just walk to a bench and watch the people go by.  It can be quite entertaining too!!!

Life is for living and enjoying and you have the ability to be part of that enjoyment, you just have to find someone to help you. 

Talk to your doctor or find a good therapist who specialises in depression is a good first step. 

Yvette Allen (that’s me) has help many, many people overcome those awful feelings of depression and gloom. 

The feeling that you are in a room with no light or exit. 

The do gooders who mean well, often say, When God closes a door he always opens a window.  My answer to this used to be, “Well why does he always put me in a barn with only a skylight 20 feet above my head and no ladder!!!!”.  Of course it is us that creates this barn and we have the ability to create a door too.

Don’t allow depression to get the best of you. 

You are so worthwhile and someone out there will need to meet you and form a friendship, don’t shut them out. 

Give life a chance, and get professional help today. 

Posted in:AnxietySuffering  

How To Deal

With Panic Attacks ebooklet and receive a bonus ebooklet - Your Words Will Stay With Your Children

Why so many people choose Yvette

  • I believe if you have a problem, I can help
  • 35+ years' experience in training
  • Small groups
  • Individual attention given
    to every participant
  • Strong focus on hands-on
    experiential learning
  • Lifelong support for participants and
    discounts on further courses
  • Life changing positive results!

Clients say

A big thank you to Yvette who has helped me enormously with dealing with my "Not Good Enough" complex.  I now feel a new person and able to tackle anything.  It is such a relief to feel Good Enough.

Anon

Hypnosis using Phenomenology and Metaphors

25th 26th and 27th June (Part 1)

3rd and 4th July 2022

More Information

Mind, Body & Soul

Looking Forward to Retirement?

Posted on 19 December 2023
Looking Forward to Retirement?
Many people look forward to retirement, but when it comes around, they are left wondering what to do. There is only so much golf one can play,...
Posted in:retirement  
< Previous | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Next >
Read all

0411407149

Talk to me!

Address

17 Montview Parade
Hornsby Heights, NSW 2077

I gratefully acknowledge the traditional custodians of GuriNgai and Darug people, on which I live and work and I pay respect to this land's Indigenous Elders and all First Nations peoples past, present, and future.

Tell a FriendPrintBookmark Site